Grief Is A Life Changer

When my daughter passed a few years ago, I was beside myself with grief. I felt like the bottom of my life had dropped out and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to believe and I began to question everything that I thought I knew up to that point. It is amazing what the effects of grief can do to you, not only physically but also mentally and spiritually.

I had been a Christian for almost twenty years before my daughter passed. I talked about spirituality every day with my kids. Spirituality was the backbone of my life. But when my daughter left me, I not only felt betrayed but I was so devastated that I begged for answers to questions that only God could provide. I went on a spiritual quest. I even left my home for months in search of answers. And I received many-positive and negative.

While I was on my quest I wrote my book entitled Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief. I studied spiritual concepts and immersed myself in spiritual literature and theories. I sought understanding and wisdom. I begged for enlightenment. And I received a lot. But the more that I learned the more questions were raised. God is an amazing, powerful, loving entity that holds so many facets of information and wisdom that it is mind boggling. So I came to a point where I decided that having the faith of a child is a very valuable trait.

Yes it is important to continue learning and seeking. But it is also important to believe without doubt. To know that spirit is powerful, all encompassing and infinite. To understand that human capacity can never fully comprehend all that God is. I came to the conclusion that I could seek for all eternity and still have questions. That is a beautiful thing when you have the faith of a child.

I am one of those people who wants to learn and understand as much as I can. I want to seek and find. I want to grow in spiritual stature. The beauty of a belief system like that is the fact that I can learn forever and never grow tired of finding new concepts to embrace, new facets of understanding to harvest in my life. The concepts of reaping and sowing, speaking and receiving, blessing and being blessed are just beginnings to amazing information that is yet for me to discover.

I was stretched to capacity. I didn’t feel like I could be stretched any farther. But then….spirit stretched me almost to a point I couldn’t handle. It never ceases to amaze me how our limits are tested when we beg to know more.

I have a new book coming out soon. I wrote it for my daughter after she passed. It is a dedication to her life and her love; the legacy she left behind. However, God in His great mercy, has allowed me to continue a oneness with her from beyond heaven’s veil. She and I are tied up in spiritual love and understanding. It has been hard but beautiful at the same time. Some of the concepts I write about in my new book have been alluded to in Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief. It has been an interesting journey. One that I will continue until I am able to hug my daughter again in heaven-and through eternity. Spirit holds us together in love and light so that darkness will not prevail.

If you have lost a child or close loved one, it is my hope that the books I write will give you peace. I believe it is true that grief is love with nowhere to go. Fortunately, when we are held together in spirit’s compassionate love and light, our love does have somewhere to go. It goes to our creator and our loved ones that wait for us. I believe that is a key for handling loss well. Continue to feel your love for those who have graduated and moved on. Because in spiritual love and light, our care and concern are received. Our sorrow is understood. We need not fear. Love is a living energy that not only transforms sorrow but also pain. Our love is received and translated to those who wait in heaven for us to join them. They are only a heartbeat away. Love is the transmitter that holds us close, that keeps our departed ones near and dear!

Guest Post: Grief and Sleep: 4 Ways To Get Back To Sleep After A Painful Loss by Sara Bailey

Today I have the privilege of introducing you to Sara Bailey. She, like me, has recently gone through a painful loss. Her loss was her husband.She approached me about writing a piece for my blog and I gratefully agreed. As you may know, I just wrote a book about the loss of my precious daughter entitled Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief. Sara, too, is in the process of writing a book about her experience.

Loss is very difficult. And so is being able to relax and move on. So, without further adieu, here is Sara's article. I hope you enjoy it!

Recovering from the loss of a spouse or a partner is a long — and often lonely — journey. Regardless of how much support you have, there will be times you have to face the grief alone, and night time is one of them. Loss of sleep is one of the most natural — and also frustrating — symptoms of grief. While trouble sleeping in the first few days or even weeks is very common, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your sleep to your grief. Here are a few tips to help you ease the ache of sleepless nights.

Meditate to Let Go of Ruminative Thoughts

Studies show that some of our most powerfully negative and painful thoughts creep in at night. We don’t have the business of work, family, school, or other responsibilities to distract our minds like we do during the day. The grief, anxiety, anger, and sadness — plus bittersweet memories — often hit us the hardest at night. Meditation is one way you can practice letting go of those thoughts. Plus, the work you do focusing on your breath and muscles can also help ease your body into sleep. There are several different kinds of meditation you can try. In guided meditation, a narrator guides your mind through a journey to a state of mind you’d like to achieve or a goal you want to accomplish. You could also try a progressive muscle relaxation meditation where you tense and then relax each muscle in your body, slowly and methodically, from your head to your toes to help bring you comfort.

Renovate Your Bedroom for New Memories

Your bedroom may hold memories of your partner that keep you up at night. Memories are powerful ways to keep our lost loved ones alive, but they can also keep us stuck, blocking us from moving through the pain. Consider a bedroom remake to help you feel like you are in a new space. Start with your bed, especially if your mattress is older and needs replacing anyway. You can save time and money by purchasing a mattress online instead of in a store, which usually comes with a generous trial period so you can make sure you’ve made the right choice. Once you’ve chosen a new mattress and bedframe, you can paint the walls a new color — soothing blues and greens work wonders for sleep — and hang a few blackout curtains, which will keep excess light out, signaling to your body it’s time to rest.

Start a Regular Exercise Schedule

Getting at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day will make a major impact in the quality of your sleep. Physiologically, your body needs sleep to recover and rebuild, and exercise further encourages that process. Your mind and body will need to spend more time sleeping and will require better quality sleep. On top of that, research has shown that exercise is a positive coping mechanism for managing stress, anxiety, and depression — three emotions you are likely to feel as you move through the stages of grief. The endorphin surge and physical exhaustion you feel when you exercise is an unmatched mind-body boost.

Get Gadgets (Not Gimmicks!)

In a world that emphasizes immediate gratification, there are a lot of gimmicks out there that will try to “guarantee” you better sleep. Trust your intuition and approach these get-sleep-quick gadgets with caution. Be sure to look for sleep-aiding technology that is reviewed and approved by sleep professionals and organizations with solid reputations. For example, the Aura is a sleep tracker that offers light therapy, sleep programs, and wake-up programs. If you purchase sleep tech, be sure it comes with a trial period or a money-back guarantee so you don’t waste your hard-earned cash on a product that’s not right for you.

There is no set timeline for mourning; taking it slowly might seem frustrating, but it could also be a better long-term solution. You can build back a regular sleeping pattern over time if you take it slow, plan for sleep with intention, and focus on mind and body.

If you enjoyed Sara's post, you can find her at http://thewidow.net/

Thanks for taking a moment to stop on my blog.  Have a blessed day!

Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief Is A Double Award Winner!

I am excited and pleased to say that Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief just won another award from the Pinnacle Book Achievement Awards!

This book of art, poetry and prose was written to give readers faith and hope that it is possible to have a life after a consuming loss. Death, divorce, illness and tragedy all threaten to stop us in our tracks. And for a while it does. But in my book, I embrace the concepts of spirituality and strength to bring hope and renewal into the heart and soul.

When we are weak and feel that we can't recover from the blows life throws at us, that is the time to find strength in our weakness and regeneration in our spirits.

Art and writing can help so much to garner much needed strength in our lives. And empathy and compassion gird us up with the understanding that we're not alone.

If you or someone you know needs encouragement, please consider this book as a help.

A Beautiful Review For Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief, My Most Recently Published Book!

Finding Hope in the Darkness of Grief gathers Diamante Lavendar's own insights on how she charted a path through grief, and pairs free verse poems that double as uplifting admonitions ("There is so much more/To every instance/Than we can comprehend.") with prose and the author's lovely color art images.

From illusions of darkness and separation to the realities of harboring false beliefs and following the road to healing, Lavendar's verse and insights follow the process of not only recovery; but finding the kind of empathy and understanding from the healing process that strengthens other connections in life.

The juxtaposition of nature-oriented images and art with these admonitions lends a visual touch to the written word that enhances both with a structure and reinforcement that either alone could not have achieved.

Those who will benefit most from Lavendar's approach are readers who are seeking their own paths to healing and greater enlightenment, who can accept her candid assessments of what the process of grieving leads to ("Death is not an ending but a beginning to a different reality, not only/for the bereaved but also for those who have passed into eternity.").

This audience will relish the message of Lavendar's art and words and will discover not just a quiet comfort offered within the pages of Finding Hope in the Darkness of Grief, but a broader message that holds clues to finding strength from weakness and ultimately transforming grief into a growth experience.

Readers interested in finding opportunities from the great of adversities will keep Finding Hope in the Darkness of Grief close at hand for reflection, inspiration, and ultimately transformation. -Diane Donovan, Donovan's Literary Services, Editor Midwest Book Review.

To purchase a copy, please visit:

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Hope-Darkness-Grief-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B07F3113C3/ref=la_B00HZDSGU6_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1530436320&sr=1-3

Make Lemonade

Learning how to make lemonade from life's lemons is a test. It is hard, it takes grit and determination. It is not for the faint hearted. When I think of the tragedies people have experienced while on this earth it hurts and it humbles me. I myself have suffered deeply. So I can empathize with the pain that others experience. I have come to believe that the strongest warriors are those that are able to make sweet lemonade from the hardships of life. Through death, divorce, illness, mental pain, and other agonies, the people who rise up and stand tall and true are the heroes of life. I call them the peaceful warriors. Those able to cry freely in the face of angst and oppression. My hat is off to all of you. You are a mentor to me. I pray I may also be a mentor to others as I suffer the travails of having been abused, buried several children and dealt with other hardships. Life can be agony. But at the end of the day when we are reunited with our loved ones in heaven, we will finally be at peace. Namaste. Ride the winds of life with mercy, grace and understanding. You will be rewarded in the end.

Missing You

The truth of your love you left behind, A treasure, a gift that you hoped I'd soon find; You helped me to learn and wished that I'd grow, I never imagined I'd be missing you so; Life seemed so harsh many years ago, Now darker than I ever wanted to know; I'm not sure how to handle this agony and pain, As I look at your pictures again and again; A mother's love is not taken for granted, For children she prayed for and desperately wanted; I'm not sure how I can go on living, But I know you'd tell me to keep on trying. I think of heaven and I hear your voice, In my heart and my head where you left a deep void; I wonder if maybe I'm losing my mind, Because I'm wishing so hard you hadn't left me behind; Celby, Jazzy, my beautiful girls, My love, my passion, my yearning, my world; Please tell me you're still here, right beside me, And ask God to wrap me in his presence and hide me; I beg Him some day to heal these misgivings, So I know I can live in a state of forgiveness.

I am lost without you.  Love Mommy.

Waiting

You are my love;My heart knew you Before you were born.

Together in another realm we laughed, Made plans and shared kisses As we flew through the endless skies.

My soulmate, my child; A love so pure and An innocence undefiled.

Your laugh is a promise Of truth, beauty, And a profound future.

To be apart from you Is like death-but death does not exist; It is merely a lie of a three dimensional world.

Truth prevails and glory remains; Waiting for me in a realm That some refuse to believe.

However, I believe. I know. For I feel angel kisses on my skin, And I hear the whisper of your voice in the heavens;

Wanting to collect me like a flower, And bring me home in your embrace; To my place of refuge where you wait patiently for me.

Celby

The pain is so deep- Every time I have a memory, Every time I hear a song you loved, Every perfect picture waiting to be taken, Causes bitter tears of grief to awaken My broken heart again.

Everywhere I go- Everyone I meet, people who I talk to, Remind me of you and your beauty; I miss your caring heart, your giving aura of love; You were so much more than the average person Could have ever hoped to be.

My soulmate- We dreamed together, had grand plans, We laughed about silly things, Fought about even sillier things, Then hugged and reconciled, Knowing our love was one quite rare.

My daughter, my baby- My best friend; I raised you to be loving, understanding, A light in the darkness. How could God snuff out Someone so incredibly beautiful at such a tender age?

How could He allow it- When your presence changed lives And your perspective made everything better? Your glow could be felt by everyone who knew you; You made things make sense, you brought life into situations; You were a constant help to those in need.

I miss you, Celby. I always will- Until God has me take my last breath on this earth, Nothing will ever be the same again. The beauty you left behind is agonizing, The purpose you gave us torturous Because you were ripped from us without even so much

As an explanation.

Better Days Will Come

This blog is being written as a tribute to a family member that just suddenly passed away.   He was the victim of a deadly addiction that ended up taking his life.  It is hard to accept the death of a loved one, especially when it seems premature.  The questions of why run through our minds.  But when it comes down to fate, our days are numbered.  Life is fleeting.  We must enjoy it as much as possible while we are here.

We all have days of sadness and unrest. Days that we wish would never happen. Days of a death in the family or a sudden accident. Unfortunately, these days will come whether we want them to or not. It is just the way of the world.

Fortunately, these days don't last forever. Sometimes their effects do and it takes us months or even years to work through the lasting impressions they have on us.

It is important to remember that it will pass. Sadness and suffering won't continue without end. Sometimes it's hard to remember this when we are in the midst of turmoil and agony. But every cloud does eventually have a silver lining.

We must attempt to keep a positive attitude as much as possible during these excruciating moments. For most times these moments shape us into better people if we allow them to.

Life doesn't always make sense but if we keep the proper perspective, we will come out victorious.  Joy always comes like a sunrise on the horizon and hope always resurfaces to anchor our souls.