Since I was a young child I’ve loved the number 5. I remember counting by fives over and over again. I enjoyed the rhythmic sounds of multiples of 5. I didn’t know what the number 5 represented. I only knew that for some reason I loved the number.

Years later I found out that 5 is the number symbolizing God’s grace. I was comforted because I loved the number so but I also found it quite strange. The reason I found it strange? The life I’ve lived and the hardships I’ve endured required that grace would hold me up and strengthen me. I know that it was God’s grace that brought me through-and still is.

In spirit, coincidence doesn’t exist. Only destiny does. We are predestined to come and live on this planet. Everything happens for a reason: good and bad. It took over half my life for me to admit that even the worst things I’ve endured have happened for a reason. I believe we are here to learn and grow. To experience and understand. To gain wisdom about what love truly means and to prosper despite adversity. We are all born from the same beautiful spirit. But we have free will to decide whether we will stay in our predestined union with God or if we will turn away.

It’s easy to turn away and run. To become angry and hurt. The things of this world bring such pain that we have a knee jerk reaction to flee. But I have learned that because of God’s wonderful grace we can stand in the storm, accept the harshest reality and prosper anyway. It takes resilience and trust which are a test to gain in themselves. It isn’t easy. But if we are able to learn to reside in that grace, we will find peace. Not temporary peace but the peace of spirit. The peace that holds us together and calms us even when our lives have literally turned upside down.

Back in my twenties, after burying my first child, I was emotionally, physically and spiritually bankrupt. I had endured over a decade of molestation by extended family members. Then I buried my first child. I was an atheist. My family had taught me that we had descended from apes- the classic theory of evolution. After what had happened to me I had no hope. I had no reason. Then the day of my first daughter’s funeral came. And she visited me. I sat in front of her casket for over an hour, my hand resting on her tiny chest. At the moment I touched her, I was gone from the funeral home and encapsulated by the most beautiful bright white light I’d ever seen. I was completely at peace. There was no sadness, no regret, no pain. Just pure bliss. I could hear my daughter laughing and running through the light. I will never forget how cheerful her voice was when she told me, “Don’t worry, Mommy. I’m happy here.” Those words began my walk with God and carried me through the next twenty years as I dealt with the pain of her absence. God, in His great mercy, had allowed me to visit her forever home where He lived. It was such a vibrant, amazing visit that I’ll never forget it. And that was thirty years ago.

I thought I had learned a lot in the last thirty years. But it wasn’t enough to prepare me for the death of my second child just weeks before her 19th birthday. I waited to talk to her at her funeral like my first child had. But she didn’t. However, God opened up communication between us that has remained since she passed. I feel her, she visits me, and she communicates in ways that let me know she is always at my side. I believe she is one of my guides now, helping me put into words the experiences we have. I am convinced that it is my destiny to write about what I’ve encountered and to help bring the love of spirit into the lives of those who read my books and enjoy my art.

Life isn’t about who’s better or who owns what. Life is about learning and valuing each other. It is about growing into a person of deeper kindness, compassion and resilience. It is about turning to our Father and creator-the one who loves us and knows us better than we even know ourselves. And that is a lifetime commitment of deepening trust and understanding. Things that only grace can provide. It is my hope that I will increasingly gain that type of wisdom each day I walk out my time on this planet. And it is my prayer that everyone and everything will learn to live in the grace and mercy that life of that magnitude invites.

Your Heart Will Lead You

There are so many reasons why it is important to have a childlike faith. And one of the reasons is because of your heart condition. Not your physical heart but your spiritual heart. The heart of who you are as a living being.

Children are amazing because they are accepting, kind, caring and peaceful-unless an adult changes that reality for them. Children come into the world needing their parents, needing someone to watch over them and guide them, someone who will keep them safe from the storms of life. We are God’s children. And we need Him more than any written word besides the Bible itself can tell us.

This world has a way of jading us. Of creating hardness in us. It is a world full of pain, anger and deceit. We as people on this planet have to find our way through the muck and mire into places of happiness and peace. If we look at the world system as a way to lead us, we will always be let down. Forsaken. Deluded by lies. Let’s face it: things that happen on this planet can be very difficult to endure. That’s why a childlike faith is so important.

We try to figure out the answers, to create solutions to every problem. But sometimes there are no solutions. What can someone say when their child dies? When a child becomes sick with a deadly disease like cancer? When a family loses their income and home because a parent gets sick or is fired from their job? There are so many devastating scenarios that I could write paragraphs of them. When it comes right down to it, we need to trust something or someone. When we put that trust in other people, we eventually will be let down because all people have flaws. Nobody is perfect. Except our Father and Creator.

We have the choice to discern and follow the advice of others or the promptings of Spirit. Since God is perfect, we can decide to follow Him. He can be the maker and ruler of the path of our life. I found out a long time ago that He knows best. So I decided to follow His lead.

Truths of this world are transient and brief. A “truth” may hold up for a long time but eventually it will be discarded for another truth. Such as the discoveries of science. And the discoveries of technology and sociological norms and theories. We always seem to be led to new ways of insight and understanding. This is because Spirit is so vast that humanity could spend eternity attempting to figure things out and never come up with answers, or spiritual truths, to everything. Unless we allow Spirit into our hearts. Then we can have a taste of actual truth.

Our hearts lead us and guide us. The words we speak come from our hearts, or who we are deep in our core. If you are looking for explanations and understanding, let your heart guide you into eternal realms. The ways of God are a mystery, but He is willing to unfold some of His wisdom to help us end well. That’s what I’m hoping for, along with being able to join my children in Heaven one day and gain complete understanding as to why they had to leave and what their absence accomplished in me. I have some ideas but certainly nothing near completion. I know I crave completion. How about you? Do you long to understand things that don’t seem to add up? Things that haunt you and don’t make sense? If so, there is Someone waiting to take you by the hand and lead you into beautiful, inspiring places-even when life is hard. Give it a chance and heal your heart condition. You will discover insights that will truly amaze and comfort you!

Breath Of Life available  here .

Breath Of Life available here.

Essence Of Soul

What happens when we leave this earth? Where do we go? What do we do? Age old questions of uncertainty. As I speak, my father is wondering what the answers to these questions are. He has been advised to be put on hospice. I am again contemplating the answers to these questions myself. My daughter passed into eternity two years ago and I am preparing for another round.

I have spent years studying the afterlife-since I lost my first child nearly 30 years ago. I have read books, watched documentaries, even delved into a sampling of physics and other sciences. I have read the Bible. I have learned a few things but it seems that the more I learn the more questions I have.

Essence Of Soul I available  here

Essence Of Soul I available here

Is it even possible to understand what we look forward to after we leave here? I think as God’s children we will come to know much. But I don’t think we could ever know all. Only God, in His wisdom could ever understand all of the nuances and infinite possibilities that His realm has to offer.

When I was younger, I imagined Heaven to be a place where we floated around on clouds and watched angels fly by. Now I believe Heaven is so complex that it would take eternity in itself just to begin to comprehend all there is to know. I guess I’m grateful for that. Because I don’t like to be bored! So I am looking forward to being infinitely amazed once I get over there. And very much looking forward to seeing my children again.

A parent-child bond is a beautiful thing. I could share stories of visitations from my children; signs that they are still around. And actually I do share quite a few stories in my upcoming book. It was written as a dedication to my youngest child that passed away two years ago. I prefer to say that she graduated. Anyway, now as I prepare to send my father off in God’s love and light, I hope he sees her and tells me that she’s doing well. I know she is. I still feel her around me, wrapped in God’s love. A beautiful feeling. I am and ever will be grateful for that love and that guidance until I too join them on the other side.

Essence Of Soul II available  here

Essence Of Soul II available here

I created these pieces of art as I imagined what we look like when we journey Home. I think of us as being healthy, happy, in perfect condition physically with God’s beautiful light shining in and all around us. Overwhelmed with gratitude and peace. That’s how I hope it will be. I look forward to hugging and laughing with my dearly departed ones. Until then, I will write and create art inspired by the beliefs that I hold.

I am convinced that this life is a learning ground. A school for the soul. I know I’ve learned a lot here and I still have time left. So I strive to do my best through the good and the bad to evolve to a point where I can be happy and peaceful here as well as in Heaven. That is what I wish for all of us. And for understanding that we can forgive and move on from all types of hardship, knowing that the harshest of days create in us empathy, compassion and understanding. All qualities that I consider to be of high spiritual significance.

Until next time, take care and try to enjoy your journey. The time we have here really isn’t that long. Even one hundred years happens in the blink of an eye. If we make the most of it and learn from our pain, I believe we have gained enough wisdom to enjoy our next phase of existence!