Glory Be To God

Image by Karina Cubillo

Image by Karina Cubillo

I believed we’d live out this life together.

I look at your picture-bright blue eyes brimming with adventure,

Your passion for life glowing purposefully from within.

A beautiful soul of love and trust, hope was your anchor.

You knew tomorrow would always be a brighter day;

A nature child who loved to walk in the woods and swim in the rain.

You felt a kindred spirit in every living thing,

Whether it was human, animal or something from the natural world.

You beheld every sunrise as a unique painting created by angels;

You, my muse, my purpose, my true love.

I trusted that we’d be together, that youth overcame

Hardship, disappointment and sickness.

I knew in my heart that a loving God would never take another of my children.

But I was wrong. He took you.

At first the devastation forged rivers of anger, disbelief and mistrust to my core.

Why were two of my children buried side by side in a graveyard,

When children are the lights of parents’ hearts, the promise

That elderly parents wouldn’t spend their final years alone?

My anger became despair; a sadness so deep

That I had to distract myself minute by minute so that I wouldn’t give up.

I had to fight to be there for my only child left to live out this pain with me;

Now the only child with no siblings to confide in, laugh with or grow old with.

My only child trying to raise a child of her own, putting on a mask of bravery every day,

When her soul is ripped to pieces right along with mine.

I knelt before God, asking why? Why again?

I heard an answer in my heart. “I understand. I too lost my son. My only child.”

I was reminded of a passage of scripture:

There is a time for everything under the sun. A time for mourning, a time for dancing,

A time to sow and a time to reap.

And then, like a golden thread weaving through my consciousness,

Hope stirred within me as I perceived the understanding that

The Lover of my soul is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living.

When darkness comes to call, I know the battle has already been won.

All things will work out for good. I need only trust, hope and believe.

An easy earthly life is not promised, but an abundantly blessed eternal life is.

Glory be to God!

A Fun Christmas Video!

Hello! Today I’m sharing a video that I created for my award winning books. It’s a Christmas video (hint, hint!) that features each of my books published so far.

Breaking The Silence, my first book, is a memoir about my life. Though it is listed as fiction, the story is true except for the fact that names and places have been changed to protect the identities of loved ones. If you or someone you know loves to curl up with a good book, take a peek at the video.

Poetry and Ponderings is also about my life. It’s a book of poetry and prose regarding healing and moving on from rough patches we all find ourselves in from time to time. Rated at 4.71 overall, this book is a great one for poetry lovers!

Also included is Finding Hope In The Darkness Of Grief, my most recent book about the tragedy that befell our family several years ago when my youngest daughter died. Finding Hope is a book of poetry, prose and art. I included a few pieces of my paintings, digital art, mixed media, photography and pencil drawings. The ratings have been wonderful on this book as well.

About a month ago I was approached by an editor of The New York Review Of Books who suggested that I have my work featured in their paper. I happily obliged and now all three books are being advertised there as well. I am humbled and grateful that my work is being recognized and well received. So much pain and hard lessons learned went into this work that it really means a lot to have such a favorable response.

If you have a chance to watch the video, I’d love to receive feedback! Feel free to message me on my contact form. Merry Christmas!

Waiting

You are my love;My heart knew you Before you were born.

Together in another realm we laughed, Made plans and shared kisses As we flew through the endless skies.

My soulmate, my child; A love so pure and An innocence undefiled.

Your laugh is a promise Of truth, beauty, And a profound future.

To be apart from you Is like death-but death does not exist; It is merely a lie of a three dimensional world.

Truth prevails and glory remains; Waiting for me in a realm That some refuse to believe.

However, I believe. I know. For I feel angel kisses on my skin, And I hear the whisper of your voice in the heavens;

Wanting to collect me like a flower, And bring me home in your embrace; To my place of refuge where you wait patiently for me.

Never Goodbye

You gave me your heart, I gave you my soul; Your love and laughter, Made me whole;

Nearly nineteen long years, You graced my life; Til the reaper came, With sickle and knife;

Your silence is stunning, Your absence extreme; Every second of every day, Is crushing and mean;

My daughter, my love, The wind in my sails; Taken from me abruptly, Snuck through heaven's veil;

How am I expected, To continue living, When all around me, Is pain and misgiving?

In still, ebbing moments, I remember your voice; Your laugh, your whisper, In this deep, numbing void;

That has become, My new sentence to bear; When all I want, Is to have you back here;

You were everything precious, A sweet gift from God; That was ripped from my grasp, Buried under the sod;

I love you, I break for you, You're the blood in my veins; I beg for an answer, To make life seem humane;

But I know oh too well, The truth of this dark place; I will miss you until, We reunite in God's grace.

Echoes

 

Before you left, You told me Everything: All your pain, And your regrets. I found it strange- The sudden openness Between us, But I didn't consider The ramifications; Until I found Your lifeless body In your apartment. Suddenly the world Came crashing in As I remembered Your haunting words. You knew you'd soon Be leaving me forever And I refused To believe it. Now I'm sentenced To the silence You left behind; And your words That once fell Upon my deaf ears Will echo in my mind Until I too Leave this earth To search for you In eternity.

Dedicated to my daughter who passed last November. I love you, Celby. Please forgive me.

My poem entitled Life, set to music.

I wrote this poem a while ago but recently decided to set it to music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMHeJpo7ij4

As is everything I write, this poem has a lot of personal meaning to me.  I hope you enjoy it!

Feel free to follow me on youtube.  I have created 20 videos there with different types of content.  I'd love to have you join me!

You Shone Like The Sun On Autumn Leaves

You shone like the sun on autumn leaves, Their remaining life brief before they fell from the trees;

The sun's light was strong, the warmth intense, Just as was your heart; loving, immense;

But the leaves shriveled up and neared their end, Just as you when you left, my child, my friend;

Your meaning lives on in every new day, I begged God for time to extend your stay;

It's a hard lesson to learn that you have no control, Over life, over love, over a darling child's soul;

All we can do is sift through the hours, And beg for provision, mercy and power,

To experience life's sentence of lessons and fate, Before we, too, find ourselves in heaven's estate.

Love us and guide us from your ethereal view,                                                                                 Until one day we are reunited with you.

-Diamante Lavendar

Ominous Clouds

Ominous clouds on a haunted street, Passers by shuffling quickened feet; Ghosts lurk behind windows, and half open doors; Watching, waiting, squeaking furniture and floors; Their time has stopped, clocks are meaningless pieces; Of a life they once knew, before meeting the reaper; Confused and rattled, they are bound to cold earth; No longer feeling happiness, meaning or worth.

-Diamante Lavendar

Available on Fine Art America at:

https://fineartamerica.com/featured/ominous-clouds-diamante-lavendar.html

Peach Blossoms

The peach blossoms reach And grasp for the sky, Watching graceful birds And insects fly by;

They drink in the essence, Of the winds' lusty breeze, And the sweet scented flowers, Growing nearby their trees.

They watch and marvel, At the vibrant colors, Of the grass, the skies, Flowering sisters and brothers;

All in due season, All in due time, There is no worry or pressure, In nature's rhythm and rhyme.

Available on Fine Art America at:

https://fineartamerica.com/featured/peach-blossoms-diamante-lavendar.html

 

Celby

The pain is so deep- Every time I have a memory, Every time I hear a song you loved, Every perfect picture waiting to be taken, Causes bitter tears of grief to awaken My broken heart again.

Everywhere I go- Everyone I meet, people who I talk to, Remind me of you and your beauty; I miss your caring heart, your giving aura of love; You were so much more than the average person Could have ever hoped to be.

My soulmate- We dreamed together, had grand plans, We laughed about silly things, Fought about even sillier things, Then hugged and reconciled, Knowing our love was one quite rare.

My daughter, my baby- My best friend; I raised you to be loving, understanding, A light in the darkness. How could God snuff out Someone so incredibly beautiful at such a tender age?

How could He allow it- When your presence changed lives And your perspective made everything better? Your glow could be felt by everyone who knew you; You made things make sense, you brought life into situations; You were a constant help to those in need.

I miss you, Celby. I always will- Until God has me take my last breath on this earth, Nothing will ever be the same again. The beauty you left behind is agonizing, The purpose you gave us torturous Because you were ripped from us without even so much

As an explanation.

Now Is All We Have

I AM the Method, I AM the Key, I AM the Answer, Please reference Me.

I AM the Creator, I AM the King, I am the Light, In whom creation sings.

When you're in doubt, You know you will fall; Cry out to Me, The Intention of all.

I AM your Redeemer, Of first and of last, I AM the Gatekeeper, Of all time that does pass.

You Are My Bridge

 

You are my bridge. My bridge to love and light.

You are my hope. The hope of my destiny.

You are my dream. The dream of success which you carried for me.

You are my safety. The safety of love and acceptance you gave me.

view-of-bridge-through-forest-trees-pic-with-copyright-on-it

Remember me. As your mother, the one who cherished you.

Remember me. As your friend who valued your opinion.

Remember me. The broken one who needed your tenderness.

Remember me. The vessel you poured your light into.

 

I miss you. The days of laughter and content.

I adore you. Your sparks of humor and helpfulness.

I remember you. My little angel with a bright future.

I hold tight to you. Your memory of rainbows and sunbeams.

 

I admire you. You lived with a rare condition.

You have great strength. Despite the bullies and false friends.

Though you were different. You were a shining example.

You are an original. Truly one among millions.

 

Your favorite color. Pink like the passionate sunrise.

Your shining eyes. Deep blue like God's heavens.

Your wavy hair. Red, brown, blonde and gold; a mane of beauty.

Your pouting lower lip. The most beautiful smile of caring.

 

Your creative tendencies. To make art and take pictures.

Your quirky side. To tie tight knots and laugh heartily.

Your passion. To love life despite letdowns.

Your imagination. To know angels and possibilities.

 

You are beautiful. Though you didn't believe it.

You are precious. Though you couldn't see it.

You are worthy. Though you didn't realize it.

You are amazing. Though you felt ordinary.

 

Let me see you. When my heart aches to be with you.

Hold me close. In the times that I'm hurting.

Give me love. Throw your soft arms around me.

Kiss my cheek. So I know you are near me.

 

You are perfect. Fun sized and abundant.

You are tender. Hugging me with your mercy.

You are gentle. Forgiving and helpful.

You are gorgeous. My baby, my angel incarnate.

 

God Bless you Celby. I'll write for you for the rest of my life. I can't wait to run into your arms the moment I take my last breath here on earth. Wait for me. Meet me and bring me home.

 

Death

death-poem-picture-by-diamante-lavendar You think life is forever, At least that's how it seems; Death is just a shadow In your deepest, darkest dreams.

We don't want to admit it, Or dwell upon the pain, But death is waiting for us In its own destined time frame.

Death will come and take you No matter what you say; Your time to leave's appointed In your designated way.

So don't try to deny it Or refuse to believe it's true; Live your life with purpose Until death comes for you.

-Diamante Lavendar

Flowers For My Baby

flowers-for-kelby-with-diamante-lavendar-written-on-it I miss you. Tell me you're okay.

Since I found you encompassed

Two weeks prior

In the gruesome sorrow of death's embrace.

 

I never thought

That once again

I'd bury my hopes

With another child;

 

Life with you

Was fun and vibrant,

Full of feeling,

Loving, wild;

 

I know you'd want me

To be tough-

To continue on

Life's lumbering pace;

 

To focus on living,

To cherish your memory,

To center myself on love,

Not hate.

 

Though I don't understand

What happened that night

When the reaper came

To the call of fate,

 

I know you'd want me

To persevere,

To feel your love

From Heaven's gates.

 

I am broken,

I am wrenched,

My aching soul

Screams your name;

 

But somehow I know

When I'm old

I'll be in your happy

Presence again.

 

Life's not fair,

Life's a test

Of wading through fear,

Sorrow and blame;

 

Show me your mercy,

Send me your trust,

That we'll be reunited

In Heaven again.

 

 -Love Mommy<3

Follow Your Heart

Life can be rough. It can make you want to say, "Enough is enough! I quit!"

You throw up your hands In dismay, Not wanting to go through one more day,

Or minute or hour. But life demands that you keep moving, Whether you feel motivated or not.

live-your-life-with-a-grateful-heart-by-diamante-lavendar

The trials are turbulent. The road is rocky. Yet you know you must continue,

Despite your mind screaming At you That it's time to quit.

This is the key: Your mind is not your master. Your heart discerns your personal truth.

Deep down you know The right thing to do Is to persevere;

So continue your fight Until the sun of destiny Shines on the horizon;

The explanation of all things difficult Becoming a path of purpose To Heaven's door.

-Diamante Lavendar